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In today’s video, we’re speaking about the flip side of responsibility – the kind we all have to exhibit – personal responsibility towards our own well-being. Most of my posts speaking about the mental health crisis and its manifestations at work are centred around the need for organisations to step up and put in place all the support that workers may be needing to navigate this but truth be told – that is only half the story. The other half lies in how, irrespective of what magic wand the company were to wave, nothing could change if the only work would come from their side. That is because in order to fix this, to better our lives and feel healthy and mentally and emotionally fit we have to put in the work ourselves.
Some of us are a lot more affected than others and perhaps some industries and types of work are less peppered with unwell people but the truth of the matter is that firstly no-one is exempt, no one out in the professional world today is skipping around in a sea of calm, stability and happiness as the reality of this is inescapably everywhere around us and secondly, we do not know what the size of the problem is as it’s not exactly like we have visibility over who it is that is suffering the most.
We don’t know because nobody “asks twice” – the very simple common sense rule of empathy where we ask our colleagues how they are not only once so they serve us the usual reflex “I’m ok” or “fine” but twice, repeating the question with enough genuine interest and care that the dialogue partner gets over the reflex unexamined answer and tells us something real. We simply accept each other’s conventional white lies as the inevitable status quo and without questioning the answers we carry on. We ignore each other’s real state of mind and we choose to hide behind the cloak of “being professional” which for too long allowed us to be fake and uncaring. We let others pretend they are ok and avoid looking intrusive by insisting on the truth. And one in every two of us do work we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy. 1 in every 2. That’s armies of unhappy people that can only remind us of this scene:
So what’s the answer? Is it not still all about the human work we’ve been banging about for the last eternity? Yes, it is but while laying the conditions for it to be happening is firmly on the to-dos list of the enterprise, actually doing it is on the plate of each of us. They’re the ones who owe us fishing rods but we’re the ones who will have to do the fishing itself. We have to start relishing in the self-work. We have to work out what we need, what each and every one of us personally needs to be well – to be healthier physically and mentally and then give us the grace to start building toward blessed continuous improvement. To take charge, demand the support and tools we need but then have the accountability they need to become daily habits. To carve the time, to have the appetite, to self-motivate, to do the actual work. The human work.
On the team side that work has to happen together, we can hold each other accountable, cheer each other on, revel in the encouragement and support of the group and see our dynamics better. It’s the easier side of the human work because it is in common with this group of people. Because shared growth feels better than the lonesome, extended, thankless job of bettering our own selves. But one without the other will not take us very far which is why we have to make room for both.
Maybe not physical time, that needs to be ring-fenced and protected by servant leaders who comprehend the importance of having the permission, the space and the opportunity to continually improve y increasing EQ and bettering behaviours but we have to make theoretical room in our heads and come to terms with the need for this work.
Some of us are doing the “me” side of the human work, the self-care side already. They are likely the self-respecting mature professionals who have always recognised the importance of remaining aware of their own value and have always dedicated time to be a better version of themselves as a to-do that transcends employers. They too may be suffering from the lack of human work support at the team level and the more work they put into themselves the wider the divide with their less EQed and open colleagues but if we start a dialogue and ask them to tell us more about their own journey with the human work on their own selves, we will find we have much to learn and much in common and that will serve us well.
So let’s be honest – how prepared are you for the human work yourself? How good are you at taking care of your own emotional and social needs? How efficient are you in asking for the respect, time and support you deserve to make sure your most important capital – yourself!- is continuously improving? How many of the aspects that you could work on are on your radar? Do you have goals for your mindfulness? Your nutrition? Your physical health? Your emotional needs? How do you take care of yourself? How do you make yourself better?
It is only when we will be doing human work both at a team and at an individual level with consistency that our lives at work will start to improve and we can start combating the crisis. So far none of it is happening but there’s no barrier to starting the “me” portion of it right now.
If you’re not ready, you may want to mull this over, after all the time for pulling up socks, starting big sprints or even just formulating some resolutions will only weigh heavily upon us in a few weeks as the year turns but meanwhile make sure you ask twice – both the people around you and yourself.
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“Nothing other than sustained, habitual, EQed people work at the team level aka “the human work” done BY THE TEAM will improve any organisation’s level of Psychological Safety and therefore drop their levels of HumanDebt™.”
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